I've been having a rough time, trying to put something in words.
I've been missing my dad terribly, lately. I've tried to not let it affect family time. All I want to do is be alone, bury my head into a pillow and sleep to not feel the pain. And, that is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE!! I think he notices when I'm falling into that, and quickly tries to distract me and have me hang out with them. Even, though I'm SCREAMING in the inside, I push myself to be with them. I hate it, I hate that it wants to take over, I hate that I can't control it, it HURTS!!
Fortunately, it's not everyday. It's just some days, some moments, and I feel the pain, handle it, ignore it, move on. What hurts the most if being away from my family. Sometimes, I wish I could just go and visit with them, but that'd make it worse. They are hurting more, they lived with him for the last 6-7years, while I was away living life with my new family.
I just wish I could still call him, and say "Hi, papi".
Onto today, it's MONDAY, and he starts Leave for 2 Weeks, tomorrow!! And, tomorrow the ship has their Deployment Prep Event, Go figure!! I've got a few plans to keep us busy!
First, cleaning/clearing the GARAGE!! I want to make it more useful, a little gym, play area!
Finish re-arranging living room and upstairs randoms.
A few family outtings; Lake, Birthday Meal Trip for Leanna....my girl will be 6 years old!
I'm not mentally ready for this upcoming deployment, but it is what it is. Physically, I am. I want my body back. It's kind of hard when he is around to workout or eat "healthy".
Such is life...until the next post.







