get it together

*warning: explicit language ahead*

oh my fucking heart!!

Somedays, I can't take it...some days, I stay off of it, until...I get a notification.
Sersiouly, it's not that damn important but sometimes it is.
Most times, it's just damn annoying.

I think y'all know what I'm talking about. And, I'm sure some of y'all can agree.
Don't be pissed, if you feel this is about you. It's about it all.
We're going into Month #3 of this forever long deployment, forever!
That's an understatement.
Do we really have to DWELL on the exact return date or possible date?!?!
I mean, I'm all for expressing how you feel. We all miss them. Really.
The thing about it is, they are out there doing their motherFN job.
That's what they signed up for. Obviosuly, not for a back to back deployment.
It happens. Unfortunately.
There's no need to blame this or that on it.
If anything, be DAMN PROUD that your sailor is doing it.
Your sailor is doing their job for their country, whatever it is.
I have a husband and a brother on deployment. It sucks.
I moved away in 2005. I've only been home to visit.
I was happy to know my little brother would be close to us but he's not.
He's on his 3rd deployment since joining, almost 4 years ago. Fun!
I'm sure he is tired of it but that's his job, right?


You still have to live YOUR life??
What makes you happy?? Posting/Talking about your other half ALL THE TIME?!
I've talked to my husband daily, there's been a some busy days though.
Sure, I miss him, I miss him a lot. I miss his help, his presence.
I still have my life to live. I keep myself busy. I have 3 girls to care for.
I have 3 girls to distract, because they miss him too. A LOT.
I'm out-numbered as a parent. I'm overwhelmed, almost daily.
I drown in exhaustion at the end of the day.
I hold shit down on this side of our marriage.
I'm pretty damn successful as a mother.
I get praised for it. I get annoyed with it.
I am emotional. I am ROSANNA!
I don't have to tell you, daily, how much I miss him.
Or share all the info that comes my way about his whereabouts or possible whereabouts.
I know the importance and I respect it.
I have been living with this lifestyle for damn near 8 years.
Sure, it's not easy. Sure, it's not always fun.
I know the limits.

So, if your reading this. Make the best of this time apart. Do something more.
Get out there, out the house. Get offline, get moving.
Come clean my house. joking.
I dont know, just don't spend all your time "waisting time online" and waiting on their return.
Make memories, look forward to things for yourself.

Now, laugh at this. Mama got her venting out. Cheese.

Staying Positive; righttt.

That's right, we got another month down y'all!! And, it sure did FLYYYY by!!

Maybe, it's because I stopped bitchin obsessing about it and just went about my business. You know, my day to day as a Mama to 3, working out, and all that other stuff. SURE, I had several days that bummed me out, made me sad, broke down crying. Yep, it's completely normal. And, I totally indulged in lots of sugary goodies!! Oh, it was BAD but I loved it!! Afterall, October is bad and Halloween candy is just about everywhere. That's besides the point. We chatted often with that man of ours. They hit 2 ports, back to back. What where they again? hmmm....Malaysia, and...Thailand.

I welcomed myself from the Whiney Military Wives Club to the Elite Military Wives Club?
What's that you ask?? Hold up...

I "tried" to stop whining about it all. Mostly, to myself. I mean come on, I've got 3 girls wanting every single ounce of energy from me, every single time. It's gets OVERWHELMING!! And, sure people often say, you know what you signed up for. BULLSH8T!!! As a matter of fact, I did not not know every.single.detail involved with being a 'military wife'. I was completely oblivious to it all. I had just turned 20 years old the week before I met that guy, who stole my heart. I'm sure he didn't even know, what the 'married in the military' lifestyle was about. Sure, he heard stories, we both kind of did. But to be a husband and wife was just a lot. FAST-FORWARD, 9 years and 3 kids later, oh and ADD IN a back to back deployment. Not just any ordinary deployment. REMEMBER, we moved to WASHINGTON, after being separate for 4 1/2 months, he was in SD for school while we were in TX with families. We didn't get settled in as a family, he left a month later. SURE, this happens in the military but this isn't about that. It's about my family, let me bitch, vent.There was still boxes left unpacked, actually a whole garage of them. At this particular moment, I can't remember how things went. I know I kept busy with the house, girls, new state, new everything. I know, I got through it, he was gone for 4 1/2 months before and then here he was back on out to sea, on a carrier, his first time on one. He had been attached to destroyers in the past. Sooo...HELLO, CRAZINESS!!

A lot happened in those 4 1/2 months. I found myself, I found Rosanna, the one BEFORE kids and marriage  the one who had so many ambitions in life. It's true what they say, as a mother you can lose yourself, and I did. It's silly to say but proud at the same time, losing weight helped me find that. I felt better about myself, more confident, more energy, all that positive. SO, that kept me ridiculously distracted from 'whining' about deployment. Don't get me wrong, I whined, I cried, I bitched at him via emails and fb chats. 

Here we are, ALMOST a year later, back to a deployment lifestyle. We actually hit the 2 month mark of this forever long deployment. There isn't a SET homecoming date, not even a month. And, I think that's the most frustrating part of it all. And, yes, I'm still whiney, I'm still emotional  I'm still a mess sometimes. NOT ALL THE TIME! Sometimes, getting online is the easiest way to be social but it's almost annoying. Sometimes. Unlike the last time we were on sea duty, friends we in REAL LIFE, social networking wasn't as big as it is now. Now, it's like everyone and their mama is one some form of it. While, it has it's benefits, it also has it's downfalls. The constant drama you read, the constant bitching, the constant....it's daily. I've separated myself from the 'negatives" and even though I see it STILL from time to time, I've either IGNORED or tried to give some POSITIVE insight. That's how I try to keep it together; STAYING POSITIVE!! And, I'll admit it, it can be challenging when sometimes, I feel negative about things. 

Enter the Elite Military Wives Club: Spouses that fully support their spouse, recognize their privileges, show respect, embrace their [new] duty station, explore their new surroundings  become involved, are grateful for the adventures they make/are give, STAYING POSITIVE. That's who I strive to be. I don't want to waste time, counting down for the end of deployment, pausing life because he is gone. He is busting his ass working, he is making us proud, he is doing what he does. Just like I am, I am still being a mama to 3 little monsters  still working out, still living life. I'm making things happen, I'm not staying being closed doors miserable. I'm NOT representing myself as a miserable 'i hate deployment/navy/military' wife. I am supporting him from our home, as are our girls. We are PROUD. Regardless, if it was an unexpected deployment, it's not stopping life. You take life my the balls, stop bitching about this or that happening, especially online. Uhmm, I need to remind myself of this, somedays.  I always see the SAME ones, whine & whine & whine!! How about get off the computer/laptop/cell phone and DO SOMETHING MORE!! Pick yourself up (and kids) and explore the area, even if it's window shopping, running, gym time, taking a stroll, going to the park. DO SOMETHING MORE!! Make yourself worthy, than just being a 'military wife', be yourself. I sometimes feel, like the 'stereo-type' we have as military wives is TRUE. And, it's SAD. It's even more sad, that I know a lot of those kind of wives. However, I know MORE wives, who actually do more. Who actually get out there. And, those are the positives. 

 There are a lot of things/moments to be thankful for in life. And, lately I've seen people jump on the 30 days/November wagon. Yes, it's good to reflect on being thankful but being thankful should happen DAILY. It's bittersweet to see it only happen in November. I'm thankful for everything I have around me, healthy girls, family, good friends, growing patience...list can go on.